Seek Strength Through Faith in Christ

The sickness drains.

today is has frustrated plans.

Sadie had been rushing and getting primed for hours in preparation for our wedding invite photos.

finally arriving, all our outfits ready, I ask Mercedes about where we will be meeting our photographer.

Unable to listen to her answer, I broke back in. I have to find a bathroom NOW.

But we were in a residential area, there is no public facilities for miles.

But then I could not even wait for a toilet.

It was happening NOW.

I had not planned an emergency bag for this situation, so I grabbed my handkerchief and broke for the tree line.

before I could make it to a spot that was invisible from the street, it came.

flipping open my pants button and clip and zipper I went, but I didnt come out smelling like roses.

Sighing I come back down the hill. I saved what I could, at least my outer clothes were in clean order

but before I could finish getting myself completely together, the second wave hit.

I bolted to the tree line.

This time I wasnt able to save anything.

Naked and covered with my own excrement in the middle of the woods.

Luckily Sadie was there to put me back together.

Ive never had such a plan ruining emergency.

Ive never been so vulnerable.

Im tired and my dreams dance within reality.

My bath was cold, my first well fitting suit is corrupted, Crohns has let down myself and Mercedes, I have no control over it. I control my diet, I take the pills, I get the medicine. But I dont get relief.

I had a blessing that stated, "God is aware of my goals", I will find remission, I will find a path that eases my pains. My goals are weight gain, testimonial autobiographic graphic novels, and having the strength to bring it to my relationship.

I currently dont have the strength to be fun, after 4pm, I begin to drift in and out.
Im not able to dance with Mercedes like I used to, I have trouble bringing energy to our love.

Even at work, I begin to fade at 10am. only through willpower and mind and body techniques am I able to push through and accomplish my goals.

Im ready for a new season in my life.

God will raise me up.

The blessings He has given me will come to pass.

I must have Faith and believe.