Seek Strength Through Faith in Christ

The sickness drains.

today is has frustrated plans.

Sadie had been rushing and getting primed for hours in preparation for our wedding invite photos.

finally arriving, all our outfits ready, I ask Mercedes about where we will be meeting our photographer.

Unable to listen to her answer, I broke back in. I have to find a bathroom NOW.

But we were in a residential area, there is no public facilities for miles.

But then I could not even wait for a toilet.

It was happening NOW.

I had not planned an emergency bag for this situation, so I grabbed my handkerchief and broke for the tree line.

before I could make it to a spot that was invisible from the street, it came.

flipping open my pants button and clip and zipper I went, but I didnt come out smelling like roses.

Sighing I come back down the hill. I saved what I could, at least my outer clothes were in clean order

but before I could finish getting myself completely together, the second wave hit.

I bolted to the tree line.

This time I wasnt able to save anything.

Naked and covered with my own excrement in the middle of the woods.

Luckily Sadie was there to put me back together.

Ive never had such a plan ruining emergency.

Ive never been so vulnerable.

Im tired and my dreams dance within reality.

My bath was cold, my first well fitting suit is corrupted, Crohns has let down myself and Mercedes, I have no control over it. I control my diet, I take the pills, I get the medicine. But I dont get relief.

I had a blessing that stated, "God is aware of my goals", I will find remission, I will find a path that eases my pains. My goals are weight gain, testimonial autobiographic graphic novels, and having the strength to bring it to my relationship.

I currently dont have the strength to be fun, after 4pm, I begin to drift in and out.
Im not able to dance with Mercedes like I used to, I have trouble bringing energy to our love.

Even at work, I begin to fade at 10am. only through willpower and mind and body techniques am I able to push through and accomplish my goals.

Im ready for a new season in my life.

God will raise me up.

The blessings He has given me will come to pass.

I must have Faith and believe.

Ambition

I have discovered my personal secret to happiness. Accepting work and putting off procrastination. Accepting trials and failure, and continuing to work.

For a long time I have desired to write and illustrate a graphic novel inspired by the reality I see. A world where every thing we think, do, and say is encouraged by supernatural forces of Good and Evil fighting an eternal war for our souls. The one to bring us to understanding and empowerment, and the other to blindness and despair.

A world where every thought and action is important, and eternally significant.

I have continually put off my project because it required a lot of effort and work to draw and write and think! How sad that feeling looks in writing.

But I am inspired again by personal revelation I have had reminding me of the Plan of Salvation.

I believe that my procrastination and lack of ambition is a struggle had by many and is a main tactic of Satan to destroy our society.

 I often find myself giving into desires to take it easy in my free time rather then working on such projects that I have desired to see realized for years. Letting myself drown to TV and movies or internet surfing. Of course rest is important, but I know if I really rested then I would have the energy to begin work on my hobbies in the next hour.

Satan encourages us to entertain ourselves for entertainments sake, to have fun and be happy. Just relax. To immerse ourselves in addicting and consuming activities. Giving us a half lie to tempt us with what we desire most: happiness, and encouraging us to find it in ways that will only constrain our real talents, and the real joys of personal satisfaction.

To overcome this pitfall one must set priorities and personal goals and then have the ambition to follow up and get to work on such projects you have always desired to undertake but have never been able to make real progress on. Art projects like mine, fitness and dietary goals, family goals, business goals, education goals, etc. Whatever calling you've been holding in your heart.

2 Nephi 2:29

Choose not eternal death, according to the will of the flesh and the evil which is therein, which giveth the spirit of the devil power to captivate, to bring you down to hell, that he may reign over you in his own kingdom.

2 Nephi 2:18

Because he (Satan) had fallen from heaven, and had become miserable forever, he sought also the misery of all mankind.

2 Nephi 2:25

Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.

D&C 58:27-28

27 Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;

28 For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward.

Thursday

"Too bad people don’t fall in love at the same pace, at the same time, for the same reasons, and it’s too bad that those emotions don’t move simultaneously. But each bit of madness moved at its own pace, one not dependent on the pace of anyone else. It wasn’t like tandem skydiving, where you were connected as you fell, where you were forced to fall at the same rate and use the same parachute. Falling in love is a solo act. I knew that, I just learned the hard way. You just jump and hope that your parachute will open. Sometimes, you look up and realize that you were falling by yourself, the object of your desire still on the plane, not interested in jumping and watching you descend into that scary place alone."


http://lifeisabeautifulstruggle.tumblr.com/

Love is beautiful. I admire my Heavenly Father more and more when I feel how trying the world can be, and how there is so much room for love to push my life. to grow my life.

"if you love someone thing, set it free.

if it comes back, its yours

if it doesnt come back, it never was"

-Richard Bach

We came through the veil, set free, for our love to be tried.

"because you cannot know yourself

or what youd really do

with all your power

what would you do?"

-The Flaming Lips

Here we are in life, learning who we are, learning what we will do with the power that we have. Will we use it for personal gain? for pleasure? to work? to play? to raise up those we love? will we bury our talents, or seek to increase them?

The gospel of Jesus Christ, the testimony given by God through the Holy Ghost, reveals to us the test of life. the plan of salvation, and how we can attain a fullness of joy. Without this revelation we are left to wonder our purpose, but with it the way is so much clearer.

If God revealed to you His existence, told you where to find His truth, how to have His word, how to feel His love, showed you how great His blessings were for you, and how sore any other path would leave you, would you leave everything you knew to follow Him?

Would you continue to put your time and effort into activities that you knew had no worth?

I ask this of myself every day. I have asked myself this every day since God did reveal his existence to me three years ago. I have left much behind, and there is more that I know must follow. But I will follow Him and continue to try as hard as I can.

Someone asked me if this was like running into a brick wall repeatedly, hitting the end of your will, falling down, getting back up and running again to the end of your rope, until you're bloody, raw, and quake at the thought of getting back up again.

It is indeed like this. I have run into the brick wall of addiction for years. but eventually the rope snaps, the bricks fall, and you find yourself on the other side. shaken, but standing. And the love you feel then, the gratitude you feel for your Heavenly Father is an awesome thing.